My Very Public, Private Book

My Very Public, Private Book

Hebrews 4 (Today)

I wrote a poem yesterday (see below) about Hebrews 4, the chapter that invites one to rest. Coming from a season of learning to rest, a Sabbatical year, the word rest and I have history. I have struggled to accept it, rejected it, craved it, embraced it, and protected it. We have had our moments. Words like do, worry and anxiety, achieve, and succeed independently have equally fought for my attention. Yet, rest remains my sanctuary, a known place to weather the storm. That is, to rest in Jesus. For rest is as physical for me as it is spiritual. Our bodies need sleep, and our souls need peace; both, I find, equate to rest.

When I rest in Jesus, I know peace.

Peace I leave with you;
my peace I give you.
I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled
and do not be afraid.

John 14:27

Rest in the bible is an exchange, a letting go and letting God, an act of faith. It is as hard as you can imagine, to trust, and surrender your life to a holy being that you cannot see. Yet, that is the cost for this rest, this peace. To trust in Him whose wisdom exceeds far beyond our understanding.

You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 26:3

With such uncertainty in these times, with wave after wave of crises, many crave this inner peace now more than ever. And the good news is there remains this place of rest, where the body and mind can be in the midst of a battle and the soul still, at peace. Imagine.

Hebrews 4 is one of those chapters that is full of communal invitations, principally, to ensure we find this rest. “Let us strive… Let us confidently draw near… Let us fear… Let us hold fast our confession.” This chapter feels to me like the author assumes his readers are of a separate group, the obedient ones, who will find rest compared to the others, the disobedient, who also heard the news but did not find rest. It’s like he is saying, “Hey, pay attention. Those others didn’t listen, and they missed something good and wonderful, but you aren’t them, right? No, of course not. So, come, let’s strive to enter this rest together. There is still time. There is still hope for you. There is still today.

Dear reader, with this in mind, likewise, I invite you to rest today. Come with me as I hold on to the only One I know who can make sense of chaos, who is mightier than all rulers of the earth, who can make a way when there seems to be no way. Jesus, the God of hope.

Come, there is still today.

Till the next chapter,
Katya


Today
Let us rest
With hearts
Softened, still
On the seventh
As God
From all His works
By faith
Let us rest

Today
Let us hear
Attentively
With intentions
To obey
His voice
By faith
Let us hear

Today
Let us fear
And obey
Him, whom
We must give account
While the promise
Still stands
To enter
Into rest
By faith
Let us fear

Today
Let us seek
The word of God
Living
Active
Sharper than
A two-edged sword
Piercing
Dividing
Soul and spirit
Joints and bones
Discerning
Thoughts, Intentions
Of the heart
By faith
Let us seek

Today
Let us persevere
Clining to our
Hope
Jesus
High Priest
Son of God
Tempted as us
Yet without sin
Who passed
Through the heavens
By faith
Let us persevere

Today
Let us draw near
To the throne of
Grace
Confident
We may receive
Mercy, grace
In time of need
From our
High Priest
By faith
Let us draw near

Today
Let us unite
For no creature
Is hidden from
His sight
Let God see
Us, in unity
Resting
Hearing
Fearing
Seeking
Persevering
Drawing near
By faith
In Christ
Let us unite

Today

Happy New Day

A something great
I see in sight
Not far from us
At midnight

An added number
To this year
Leave one behind
As we cheer

What comes next?
Will it be
All we hope
All we dream?

Perhaps not quite
Though we wish
Make resolutions
Promises

A few dread
This something new
With nothing great
To look forward to

To you, I say
It’s okay
Look not at the year
Only each day

One day at a time
Each hour that comes
Each minute, you are
Each second, so loved

Breathe and exhale
Don’t be afraid
Whatever comes
After today

Into the unknown
In the unseen
May you have courage
May you just be

May you take risks
May you be kind
May you laugh often
May you not look behind

May you seek the truth
May you live in the light
May you be authentic
May you shine bright

May you have all that you need
To be successful and succeed
In the things that matter
Most

Let us toast

To the year that is only
The sum of its
Todays

To the choices we have
To the mistakes we will make

To letting go, to taking hold
To growing up and growing old

To our quiet moments
That help us
Chill

To whatever we do
That gives us a
Thrill

Here’s to living

Are you ready?
Here it comes
10, 9, 8…
3, 2, 1…

Happy New Day!

Till the next chapter,
Katya

Love Me Still

You love me still
You love me into stillness
Into rest I must go
For in rest, I stop

Shabbat

To stop

Pause

Reflect

Destress

Yet, why does pause cause restlessness?

A disquiet noise
Edging me to do

Make, become, find
A purpose to pursue

Check my phone
For anything new

When doing becomes my undoing
I find you there

In the quiet
As I let go

I remember
You are God, and

You love for me
To rest

Be still and know I am God

These words silence

The drive
The tasks
The tempest
The guilt

They wilt
The blooms of busy

They empty
The Great Hall of Should, Must, and Will

In their wake
I see
Just Be
Remains

Just Be, Trust, and Know Me

I am free

I dream
I create
I imagine
I wander

Pitter and patter
Scribble and dabble
Flit and float

I am flying

Smiling

Time goes on
I have chosen
To be
To rest
Here
With you

Listening
As you sing
Over me

I love you
Be still
And know
Me

Here I am 

Still.

Till the next chapter,
Katya

My Little Wonders

My little wonders
How I wonder
How lovely you’ll be
When you grow

Tiny seeds
Tucked lovingly
In systematic
Rows

I anticipate
As I wait
You will come
In July

In my slumber
Dreams of green
Reaching to the
Sky

Though inside
With sunlight
You will surely come
Soon

Where are you
Little wonders?
I wonder
By the end of June

Are you hiding?
Are you coming?
You will have your
Very own pot

Did I water too much?
Maybe too little?
Impossible to have
Root rot

In my despair
I suddenly see
A contrast of color
In the brown

Could it be
My little wonders
Emerging from
The ground?

One, Two, Three
Say hello to me
The last
Whispers hi

Dill and Thyme
Next in line
Cilantro, though
Parsley is shy

Here they come
One by one
I am a mother
Of sprouts

Uncurling their leaves
Up on their feet
Roots
Long and stout

My little wonders
How wonderful you are
Soaking in the light
Of the day

I must say you look
Ravishing
You have come
Such a long way

July, you came alive
By October, you thrive
You’ve matured
Into a lively bunch

Now, my little wonders
I think it’s time
That I invite you
To lunch

Till the next chapter,
Katya

You and Me

Lord, where are you?

I am here.

Lord, I’m scared.

Have no fear.

Lord, show me.

You will see.

Lord, help me.

Ask and receive.

Lord, I need you.

I’m all you need.

Lord, my faith is as small as a mustard seed.

Beloved, just trust Me and believe.

Lord, I thank you for being with me.

Beloved, where else would I be?

Lord, I love you.

I love you more.

Till the next chapter,
Katya

Togetherness

I miss smiles
wide
crooked
pearly white
broken
missing teeth
shining bright
braces
big gap
little gap
smiles

I miss shaking hands
strong
limp
loose
firm
sweaty
hot
germ-y
cold
rough
smooth
hand shakes

I miss being close
invading my bubble
less than two feet
can hear me whisper
can hear you breathe
kind of close

I miss hugs
the bear
the polite
kissing cheeks
hello
good-bye
the lingering
the way too tight
squeezing with all your might
the side ones
the intimate
the London Bridge
the super quick
and all the other awkward
hugs

I miss classrooms
footsteps
small talk
chatter
pencils falling
ruffling papers
running to class
laughter
being together
in a classroom

I miss traveling
packing
leaving
flying
arriving
walking
seeing
trying
buying
meeting people while
traveling

I used to miss
discovering new places
together on bikes
reading books
to pass the time
game nights
staying in
connecting with
old friends
tea with grandma
time with mom
writing poetry
writing songs
reflecting on life
passing like mist
these are things
I no longer miss
while we fight for

togetherness.

What I miss now
Time will change
What I missed then
May it remain

Seek the beauty
And you will find
Even in these
Trying times

We will rise
We will sing
Above the chaos of
CoVid-19

Till the next chapter,
Katya

It’s Just Another Day

It’s just another day
I say to me
Then why does my heart
Flutter expectantly

I woke up the same
As I normally do
I am as I was
Nothing new

Hair still curly
Eyes still brown
Still a teacher of
Verbs and nouns

Full of dreams
Head in the clouds
On the piano, creating
Whimsical sounds

For most it’s just a day
Another one in the year
I said the same yesterday
Until it was here

Now I’m little excited
A little full of glee
I’m another year older
Happy birthday to me

October 12, 2020

Till the next chapter,
Katya

Post-Secondary

Procrastinate
Stay up late
When’s the last time I ate?

No time for friends
Social life ends
Where did I put my pen?

Sleep deprived
Barely alive
Ready for break at Week Five

Ten-page essay
In APA
Due by 11:59

Today.

Group projects
Unread texts
Professor, don’t call on me next.

Please.

Tuition, bills
Supplement pills
There’s no time to kill

Hours are hoarded
Seconds are sorted
Must this Zoom class be recorded?

All are afraid
As “The Midterm” invades
So, when will you post the grades?

One day.

Professors, enthused
Classmates, confused
And when’s the next project due?

Next week.

Post-Secondary
School of the weary
And the extraordinary

Knowledge abounds
Teaching astounds
Yet, we hear the sound of

Crying.

Waves of stress
Hair is a mess
Trying to remember I’m blessed

Somewhere in the midst
Of academic abyss
I hear: You got this.

As classes conclude
Time resumes
And I pray, I too

shall pass.

Till the next chapter,
Katya

Just a Little Step

Just a little step
Little one
Little two

Everywhere you’ve been
You’ve had me
I’ve had you

Into the unknown
A step here
A step there

I’ll be there till the end
You have me
I have you

Till the next chapter,
Katya

The World Can Wait

The world can wait
Until I’m awake
Have opened my eyes
Forgotten my dreams

The world can wait
While I open the shades
See the sky is grey
Sit and watch the rain

The world can wait
Until I’ve sipped my tea
A drink of some serenity
Before I seize the day

The world can wait
Until I meditate
Take a spiritual breath
And have prayed
For strength

The world can wait
While I tarry
Finding sweet silence
Something extraordinary

“The world can wait,”
I quietly say
As I slow my pace
To write this poem

Yet the world has stayed
Loud as ever
I discover
As I turn on my phone

Till the next chapter,
Katya