My Very Public, Private Book

My Very Public, Private Book

Water and Oil

Like water and oil
The differences are apparent
Morning’s gentle rain
Sea’s violent torrent

Corruption and illusion
An explosion in the distance
Unearth this forbidden fusion
Hear the cries of resistance

The lover and the fighter
The fawn and the foe
You will pay to ferry away
Everything you know

A disease is contagious
Running miles downhill
Take cover, be aware
Compromise can kill

Don’t cover your senses, child
Stay alert and on guard
Your spirit cannot be captured
Nor can it be marred

Come back, come back
To the place of origin
Before the temptation
Before the forbidden

Come back, come back
Before the aftermath
Will you choose
The narrow path?

Do all in secret
Abide in the master
Walk into the center
Of chaos and disaster

Flicker little light
Fight until the end
You cannot hide now
It is time to ascend

Up the hill we go
Resist the invisible
Threaten pain with truth
Freedom is attainable

Fire, become fire
Burn bright and long
The sun is rising now
The earth breathes her song

The shadow has entered its cage
Wake the sleepers from the ground
Rise, O Slain Warriors
The lost people have been found

Soldiers near and far
We know your name
Love isn’t indifferent
Thus guardians we became

Time, times and half a time
Corruption may have its way
But look ahead and you will see
Forever is a day

Warriors, fight well
Creators, do not give in
People of the resistance
Let the war begin

Till the next chapter,
Katya


Walk With Me

Let’s go for a walk
Just you and I
Feel the wind’s fingertips
Watch the ocean sigh

Let’s go for a walk
Upon the creaking steps
Mist rising from the sea
Filling our breath

Let’s go for a walk
Towards the setting light
Where music is singing
Where all is made right

Come with me, Beloved
To the end of the pier
Every one of our days
Every day of our years

Let’s go for a walk
To the end of the fear

Till the next chapter,
Katya

Let The Gods Run

When the war came
All other gods ran away
But Jesus Christ stayed

Stays close to my side
As the enemy plots
My demise, end my life
God is near, have no fear

Jesus is the King here
No weapon, sickness, drug or lover
Can make Him hide, go undercover

He is the light
He is the night

Let the gods run
Away from the Son
For He’s already won

The victory is His
The victory is ours

It’s written in the stars
It’s written in His scars

I don’t want false hope
I’ll never go and elope
Marry into a family of lies [you see]
From the the reflection of Jesus’ eyes

I see the truth
It sets me free

So I see the bondage and poverty
You have prepared for me
If I betray my king and follow you
I call your bluff
Your façade of good will

Really?

I’m so grateful
You’re the enemy
For all you do
Makes me run with Jesus more
And further away from you

So let the gods run
The enemy pursue
Jesus is with me
I will make it through

Past the finish line
Through the gates
Where Jesus awaits
His bride

Till the next chapter,
Katya

I Know What It’s Like

I know what it’s like to feel alone
People on every side
But they don’t make a home

I know what it’s like to feel sick of being sick
On twenty different pills
To walk a block is a trip

I know what it’s like to have a parent with a tumor
Surgery is the cure
And thinking, “What if I lose her?”

I know that fear.

I know what it’s like to feel a secret jealousy
Seeing them shine
Ashamed to be me

I know what it’s like to fight an addiction
Caged by your desire
It becomes your religion

I know what it’s like for love to fill your heart
Go from ‘hello’ to ‘goodbye’
To live with the scars

I know what it’s like to try to end your life
Heaven’s better than here
Was the devil’s lie

I know what it’s like to feel anxiety
Oh God, can’t breathe

someone. help. me.

please.

I know what it’s like to be bullied at school
Oh, but they’re just kids
Kids can be cruel

I know what it’s like to lose someone close
Everything about them
Is what I miss most

Sure, I know what it’s like
But I won’t try
To tell you your pain
Will soon pass you by

I know what it’s like
But I’m not in your shoes
I know what it’s like
But won’t tell you what to do

I may think I know
What you’re going through
But my story is my own
I’m not you

Forgive me if I advise
If I step over the line
If I don’t realize
That it’s time

For me to stop talking and just listen

Because I know what it’s like to feel loved in that way
A friend who is present
Who listens and prays

Sure, I know what it’s like to feel so hurt
But I also know flowers grow from darkness
From the dirt

I know what it’s like to feel hope swell inside
Know good things are coming
After the sunrise

I know what it’s like
To feel someone can
Empathize

So I’m here for you
By your side

Just breathe and walk at your pace through
This life

And since I know rainbows come after the rain
I’ll hold your hand as you walk through the pain
I won’t tell you to walk quick, move on, you’re wrong
Make you feel shame

That’s just the enemy’s kind of game

I know what it’s like
So I’m going to be here
And pray to our God
For Him to be there

For you.

Till the next chapter,
Katya

Sitting on the Wind

Sitting on the wind
The length and width
Of the aerial road
Unknown to the stars
Indifferent to me

Hold your tongue!
But hallelujah
Finds its way
Through clenched teeth

My valley is an ocean
My winter a sea
Crashing, beating, thunder
Lungs scream to breathe

Choices, what choices?
Upon the narrow road
Is freedom forgetful
I wait
I walk
I fall

Sitting on the river
You make me lie down
I see it, the light
I feel it, the sun

Perplexed but not despairing
Afflicted but not crushed
Persecuted but not struck down
Struck down but not destroyed

Destroyed but never dead

Source of life
My blood flows
like a river
my heart beats
like a drum
it never ends

Take my body
My soul is His
Take my land
My home is Him

Take my gold
He is my source
Take my life
I will live on

Sitting on the clouds

 

Till the next chapter,
Katya

I See God in You

I see God in you
Though you know Him or not

Yes, though you know Him or not
I see God in you

For the master’s touch
Leaves its imprint
In every love formed
Made in His image

You were brought to this earth
After He designed your tiny hands
Before your frame was known
He already knew your soul and

All the beauty inside of you.

Do you have any clue
Just how much God loves you?

Inside your mama’s tummy
Inside this secret place
You were loved, loved, loved
And today there is a chase

For you.

Yes, for you.

For God wants you to know
You are still loved
You are worthy of love
You are seen and known

His signature is on your soul.

Yes, I see God in you.

I see Him

In your laughter
In your hair
In your eyes
In your care

In all the trees that sway with the wind
In the sea and the creatures living within

In a moment of kindness
In a loving touch
In the warmth of a mother
In the gratitude for lunch

In the love between a man and his bride
In the forgiveness between enemy tribes

In the sigh of a child
In the joy of a dance
In the hands of a helper
In the foregoing of plans…

just to spend time with the one we love.

This is where we see God all around us.

Listen for His heartbeat
Look for His touch
Gaze into His eyes
There is no one such

as Him.

For He is everywhere we look
If we really look
If we see

For God is with you
As He is with me.

Though there is hatred and terror
Evil and sin
Pain and destruction
The veil of life too thin

Though darkness covers many hearts
Children lie on pavements, starved
Fists are raised to the skies
Warriors march on to take lives

Where is God in this mess?
Is He hidden away as we speak?
Is He avoiding the madness in our midst?
Where is He in our direst need?

To you I say
God is yet here
His thumbprint has been left

He has not turned away
His presence is near
For He has never left

He is in the hope we long for in the night
He is in the love we hold to our side
He is in the faith we have yet to see
He is in the love within our memory

I see Him in you
Though you know Him or not
For you have His eyes
You have His touch

You have a choice
It’s His gift to you
To choose a way of goodness
Or a way that pleases you

Though I must say

Pleasures of the flesh
Lead to life unsatisfied
Yet, a life of sacrifice
Is the greatest love you’ll find

If we choose to love instead of hate
We will make this a better place
If we choose to hope instead of fear
We will see God in every tear

If we search for truth
We will find Him there

We will see God everywhere.

God is with us.
He is here.

To you I say,
Do not fear.

For I see God in you.

Till the next chapter,
Katya

 

You are His, not mine

I’ve lost you
The you that understood
The you that listened
The you who said I could

Do anything I dreamed
You are not who I originally deemed
The love in my life
The apple of my eye

You are lost to me

There is a selfishness I feel
In this grief of you
For you are not lost to yourself

You are being found
You are becoming the one you desired
You are being adored by all
You are becoming more on fire

For God.

But I am losing you in the process

You are becoming more His than mine

It’s in the way we speak
It’s in the way you leave
It’s in my heartbreak
For you have given for me to take

Yet, I want more than I can have.

I want you back.
I want you again.

To listen
To be
To know me
To remember me

But you are lost to me,
And I am forgotten by you.

For there is a greater work to be done
There’s a worth in your life
There are a people who need to know God
For we are running out of time

Yes, you are His and not mine.

Lord, help me to let go
Help me to let her go
From my hands to yours
Oh! My heart is hidden in hurt

She has not seen
The grief within me
The tears I have shed
As I lay down my head

Yet, who am I to speak
When you’ve done the same with me?

You have called me from birth
To proclaim love to the earth

You have torn me from hands
That wanted to keep me in their plan

You have rescued me from the dust
You have taught me how to trust

I feel not jealousy nor hate
Just a sadness, so intimate

Is this what Mary felt for her son?

He is Messiah
And Saviour to mankind
The greatest of teachers
Emmanuel and El Shaddai

She could remember a time
When he was her son
When he would climb and play
When he would laugh and run

He would then teach multitudes
She came for miles to see
But he said who is his mother?
What? Who was she?

He said his sister and brother
His family, His mother
Were those who did the will of
His heavenly Father

We are not more capable of keeping
God’s people from being sent
Then we could keep God
Confined to a tent

I’ve lost you to Him
But isn’t that a win?
For you’ve outgrown your skin

You are flying.

I watch you soar higher and higher.

I stand.

I stare.

I hold my heart.

I shed a tear.

Here I am, letting you go
This is my song
You will never know

I’ll miss you
I love you

God, take care of her.

He will be enough for you.
He will be enough for me.

Till the next chapter,
Katya

Ask Me Anything

Ask Me anything and I will do
Everything you ask Me to

If it’s My will then it will be done
Get ready to be amazed at My Son

He will do impossible things
For He is the King of Kings

After His resurrection, He sat on His throne
At My right hand, He is now at home

Together with Our Spirit, we join as one
Me, Heavenly Father, Holy Spirit and My Son

Sweet daughters, just ask, don’t be afraid
Being My children, you have it made!

You have a God who listens to your voice
You have a Father who quiets the noise

I know you need My peace, in your heart and mind
I am here to quiet the storm, with My love divine

Come to Me with questions and all your fears
Even if you whisper it, I will still hear

You are not an embarrassment; I love your quirks
I laugh and delight in My beautiful piece of work

I want to show you just how much you mean
By giving you keys to the realm unseen

You have the authority through My Spirit in you
To walk in My name, and bless the many and the few

It is not about the numbers, nor about time
My Kingdom was created with a different design

You see, the little things matter to Me
From the sigh of a child, to the sparrow in her tree

From women who only know her chains
To the bumblebee who has been caught in the rain

I see and know all of My creations
Even you My child, I know better than your relations

Your mama and papa don’t know you like I do
Though they were the ones who did conceive you

I formed you before you came into her womb
You were imagined first by Me in the Inner Room

Don’t you believe I am familiar with all your ways?
Don’t you believe for you, I sent My only Son to the grave?

For I love you My dearest, O I love you so!
There is such a desire in Me for you to know

Just how much you are loved and how I see
Every request in your heart, for your family

For the people around you, for the nation you are in
For the deliverance of your troubles and of your sin

For guidance, direction, and grace to begin again
I know your mind, spirit, and your soul within

Do not think I am angry, passive or very recluse
Baby, you are so tightly held you could never break loose

I hold you with such love and such devotion
You, My dear, have always been chosen

Chosen to be loved, chosen to be whole
Chosen to be wonderful, and have a healed soul

This is My desire, to make you one with Me
So you may experience how the truth sets you free

I AM the I AM, The Majesty on High
I abide in You, not in a castle in the sky

I am with you, My daughter, do not be afraid
I will not leave you as in the water you wade

You will not drown nor will you go under
For My hand will sustain you, with power like thunder

A flash of light will follow you everywhere you go
For when you go in My name, My light will flow

All around you, inside you, to people on the street
Miracles will happen as you abide in Me

They’ll ask you why you are this way
Tell them, “It’s Jesus, I just obey.

How pleased I am in you, Child of Mine
How you desire to do My perfect will, and in My perfect time

You will ask and I will hear you
You will seek and you will find
You will knock and I will open
For My love is always kind

 

Be not afraid

For I am with you

If you hold to My hand

You will see impossibility

 

Happen through you.

 

Till the next chapter,
Katya

 

Kneel in Awe

There is a mystery in the ways of God that I will never fully understand.

He says, “Go, do these things,” but what we fail to grasp is that as we go, He does His wonders, even before we have done and said, even before we finish what we started.

God of wonders, beyond our imagination, is what He is and is to come.

How privileged we are to be called children of God and to embark on these adventures with Him. We are blessed to witness these wonders, and even more so, to be of the hand He uses to do His works.

“What is man that you are mindful of him or the son of man that you care for him?” I ask myself, daily, perplexed at the love of God.

There is so much I do not understand.

My mouth opens, as my heart fills full as I gaze upon His beauty, yet words don’t come. Words are not enough. Even actions couldn’t express fully the awe-struck feelings within me. So I close my eyes, searching within, hoping this God who has known all before I came to be, would know the heart within me.

May He who knows all, know I am at a place where my worship seems insufficient, as I think of the radiance of His glory.

Where can I go from your presence, where can I flee from you, O Maker of sky and earth, O Creator of the universe and all that is yet to be?

You are too wonderful for me.

At present, the only place I know to be true is to be found on my knees, before the El Roi, the God who sees.

Far be it from me to try to understand, your thoughts, your ways, the greatest of your plans. I only wish, and pray to you, that as you speak, my heart would be true.

For only in the abide
In the midst of your will
Can my eyes stay steady
Can I hear you say Be Still

O that I would know
And never look away
As distractions are present
Throwing themselves in my way

Jesus, I admit to you
I am in need of your hand
Not only to walk
But even to stand

There is no reason to try
To do things my way
For I am left alone
Without you to obey

And this is the thing
This is the key
If not for obedience
A different tune I would sing

If not for you
To tell me right and wrong
I would be lost, in darkness
Singing Death as a song

In you there is life
For all you did on the cross
The things you continue to do
Put my words at a loss

How can I express to you
O my gratitude!
Why me? is the question
I cannot find the answer to

Who am I
You should look upon
To create your wonders
To sing your heaven songs?

There is so much I fail to understand!

Yes, I see death
But O how I see light
I hear the praise rise within me
Though my weeping lasted through the night

You are always faithful
Unchanging as the dawn
Heaven and earth will fade away
But the God of Wonders lives on!

My heart is full, and now the words have come.

The heart within me
Trembled when you said
“Daughter, go and speak, and
Do not fear the thoughts in their head.”

How my hands shook
And my head felt faint
But when you took my hands and tongue
I could not dare to hesitate

For you use us freely
When we tell you we are yours
If our hope is put in you
As on eagle’s wings we will soar

You bring us higher
From glory to glory
Soaring on your wings
We are cast into your love story

Romeo and Juliet
Have nothing on you, O King
Your love conquers the flesh in us
It is a fountain of life to all who would drink

Father, friend
Teacher, and priest
This is my symphony
To only thee

Use me, love me
I know I will change
For the closer I get to you
I find I am never the same

You transform all those around you
From death to life they go
LIFE, LIFE, LIFE
Is the only thing you sow

May I never grow accustomed
To the miracles you do
May I always stay kneeling
In awe before you

May there never be a moment
I take the glory upon myself
If that moment ever comes
Please, put me back on the shelf

For if I am not giving you
All that you deserve
Father, don’t use me
Until I have learned how to serve

For servants don’t boast
Nor in work do they take pride
They merely obey their Master’s voice
As they walk along his side

You are my Master
To your love I am a slave
For it has brought me life eternal
So I may never taste the grave

These words are not enough
My heart knows it well
Yet, I feel your pleasure
As I continue to weave my tale

Through lips formed by your hands
And my hands formed by your words
I will tell the nations of the wonders you did
Through me, the Undeserved

Not a moment goes by
I have forgotten all I saw
I still do not understand
So I continue to kneel in awe

Till the next chapter,
Katya

A Song of Surrender

If all I have left is a single breath in my lungs, let it be my song to sing

I surrender.

Let no desire for fame or beauty
Being seen but not truly
Roads that lead to nothing really
Keep me from saying

I surrender.

Let no rebellion, hate or fear
Loosing the plans I hold so dear
Sudden failure of strength to care
Keep me from saying

I surrender.

Let no person, place or phone
Taint my sense of what I know
Keep from shouting, Where You Go I Go!
I say once more

I surrender.

For it is your way I want
Good Shepherd
Lord of All
Emmanuel

My way is not your way.
My plans are not your plans.
My thoughts are not your thoughts.

They are microscopic in comparison to the vastness of your being. You are great. My soul knows this full well.

I tremble when you come.
I shake in the presence of your glory.
There is no strength left when your hand rests upon me.

To only you, my God I surrender.

Even though it is daunting to think relinquishing the reins of my life to you means sacrifice.

You may take away my friends.
You may take away my family.
You may take away my home.
You may take away my health.
You may take away my job.
You may take away my relationship.
You may take away all that I love and cherish and

where I feel comfortable.

 

 

You may take away my life.

 

 

And yet…

 

 

I surrender.

Jesus, you gave up everything to give me life.
A life which is no longer mine.
It’s nice to think that it is.
Yes, it is a nice thought…

But my life is not truly my own.

 

I am yours and so is all that makes up “my life”.

The family is yours.
The friends are yours.
The home is yours.
The health is yours.
The job is yours.
The relationship is yours.
and all that I love…

They are all yours. Not truly mine.

But I am grateful you have allowed me to enjoy these beautiful gifts. Even if it is not forever.

I have come to understand that following you and kneeling before you means you may ask much of me, but it is not without an exchange.

Just because I give you my life does not mean I am with nothing.

There are so many treasures I have received from you. Friendship, Laughter, Joy, Freedom, Peace, Love, Sunsets, Apples, Prayers Answered, Starry Nights, Healing, Faith, Grace, Needs Met, Strength, Forgiveness, Scented Flowers, Random Acts of Kindness… and a relationship with a God who knows me.

And nothing is more satisfying than knowing Jesus.

Still, though you alone are enough, you promise me there is more to come. I cannot begin to imagine the good and perfect gifts you have ready for me as I give more to you. It will be beautiful.

I remember once you showed me a picture of the princess you have called me to become. A princess who wears her crown on the back of her head. You said if it is on the back, then the head must tilt down to balance it. A princess with her head bowed down is sign of submission and honor to one greater than herself. A sign of surrender.

Yes, my Father, I want to become a Princess of Surrender…. A Daughter of Obedience.

I surrender to a God who is Lord.
I surrender to a Savior who gave it all for me and who asks only my life in exchange.
I surrender to a Creator who makes beauty from ashes and riches from rags.
I surrender to a Protector who can be trusted with that which I give.
I surrender to a Father who will is so pleased when I say

I surrender.

Though it may not always be my first thought, I will continue to say I surrender, for truly you are the Lord of my life. It is the desire of my heart to want nothing more in this life than to follow you and give you my all.

Please remind me if I ever forget to sing you this song of surrender.

Not my will, but thy will be done.

Till the next chapter,
Katya