Sometimes, I think about home.

Not a house, or a place, but the destination. I think about heaven. I think about my Father’s smile when I get there. I think about the celebration that will erupt as I walk through the gates. I think about Jesus and crying and laughing as I run to Him.

I miss home.

My body may have never been but God says I was formed in the secret place. My spirit remembers. It remembers Gods gentle hands forming, molding, and creating. It remembers the love and freedom. It remembers the beauty of a sinless place.

Until it was placed in my body.

Then it met sin. It met death. It met the world. It grew hungry and desperate and began to crave life and love and the connection it once felt.

It wanted intimacy.

Then when I met Jesus, my spirit encountered intimacy once more. Jesus reminded my spirit of real love. He reminded me of home. No longer could I live without Him.

I simply asked and His Spirit came to make a home within me.

Oh the deep love I felt. It was my taste of heaven. My glimpse of the place I belong. The One who created me was here.

He never left me.

He has always been here. Always been with me. Always reminding me of home.

But

Sometimes, I still miss it. Sometimes, I want to live in complete peace. Sometimes, I want to breathe and not think about time. Sometimes, I want to be who I really am without fighting this world. To truly, be myself.

Till then, I will wait.

I will have patience. I will enjoy where I live. Because I know, that same Creator who once formed the very hairs on my head, has a purpose for my life here. I am supposed to be here. I am supposed to trust Him while I am here.

So, I trust you God. I know I can because you are my Father. You made me. You made my home. My heaven. Nothing is impossible for you. I will live this life well and with purpose, as long as you are with Me.

Oh Papa, I see it now. I understand.

You are my home.

Till the next chapter,
Katya

It’s late.

I was sitting here praying that I would become the woman my boyfriend needs and wants, when it dawned on me that this is the wrong prayer. It’s too limited. Instead, I asked God to make me the woman of HIS dreams so that I can become the woman the world needs.

I so desire this.

To change, to mature, to grow in God. “Mold me”, is my cry. As a potter would with clay, I pray God would mold me into His daughter, the one He dreamed I would become when He originally formed me. I want to be her…

The daughter of HIS dreams.

My Lord, my life is yours. Nothing matters. Only you. You and me together forever. Remember when you told me this God? Always and forever, you and me together. Lover of my soul, you are. Lord of my life, you are. Everything to me, you are.

I love you, my sweet King.

I need you. I can’t, without you. Come God. Come with power, come with angels, come with Your glory and reign over my life. It’s yours. In a heartbeat, it’s yours. More, I need more of your sweet aroma. Your presence is intoxicating.

Addicting.

Free me from the bondage I’ve allowed to rule over me. Lies. Sin. Whatever it is. All choices I alone made out of my freewill. Choices lead by flesh and not by Your Spirit or truth. These lies grew roots in my mind. What was once a seed, became weeds, poisoning my thoughts with words misaligned according to Your thoughts and…

Your Words.

Help me Papa, to break free. What is truth? What is freedom? I only need a word from your lips to uproot that which strangles my thoughts.

TRUTH SETS YOU FREE

Daughter, you are loved. Always by Me. When you wake up, I smile knowing you will enjoy another day I made for you. I delight in you. Nothing will change that.

Daughter, I am pleased with you. You are strong and wise and mighty for my kingdom. You bring my heart gladness. I love you, my beloved Katya.

I am loved
For All I Am
and all I am not
unconditionally
Every Single Day
for all of
Eternity

The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.
(Psalm 145:18)

So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
(John 8:31-32)

Till the next chapter,
Katya

Hi. Welcome to my journal.

This blog, this place, is made for freedom. I will share my thoughts, my struggles, my prayers, letters, and whatever else that needs to be jotted down.

I say “need” because it is really important I get my thoughts out of my head.

I either will write down what I’m thinking…

or talk to myself in the mirror.

The latter seems like I’m crazy, so I prefer to journal.

It’s cheaper than therapy, right? 🙂

Well, here we are. Me, my journal… and the random person reading my journal.

It’s okay. I don’t care if I do not know you.

You are amazing whoever you are and I hope to change your heart a little bit while you take a peek into mine.

By the way, my name is Katya.

It’s nice to meet you.

Till the next chapter,
Katya