Sometimes, I hate it.

Sometimes, I really hate my phone, the computer, social media and all the distractions that draw my eyes away from my Father.

Sometimes, I just wish it was all gone.

But would that help? Would it make pursuing God easier or would the enemy simply find something else to throw in my face?

Probably the latter.

Father, I need you to follow you. I’m no good at this. I take one step on the road, only to get distracted by the butterflies of life.

Do you not want someone more ambitious than I? More focused? Skilled? Determined? God, why did you choose me?

I love you with all my heart, but I bet you don’t know that. I treat You like you are invisible. I don’t stop to listen to You. I make wrong decisions. I ask you to forgive me, when it is already too late. I’m a mess…

What’s wrong with me Papa?

My heart wonders ahead of you. My mind plans before you speak. Yet, you continue to call to me. You continue to love me.

I don’t understand.

I don’t understand You.

But I love You still.

I love how you love me everyday. I wake-up, and you wait for me. You wait for me to look your way. You wait for my lips to give you praise. You wait for me to search your Word. You wait for me to…

love you as you love me.

To love you with every breath.
To love you with every action.
To love you with every choice.

To love you with everything I am.

Father, help me to follow you. Help me to love you. Help me to cling to you. Help me to be jealous for you. Help me to wait for you.

You are beautiful, my King, and it is my heart’s cry to be completely yours.

I do not understand your love, but I will hold onto what you give to me. I cannot change the world, but I can change what I choose.

I choose you.

Today, I choose you.

Again and again, I choose you.

Have your way with my life. Be the Lord of all. Reign over my kingdom. I give my crown to you.

King of kings, have your way.

Till the next chapter,
Katya