My Very Public, Private Book

My Very Public, Private Book

Love Me Still

You love me still
You love me into stillness
Into rest I must go
For in rest, I stop

Shabbat

To stop

Pause

Reflect

Destress

Yet, why does pause cause restlessness?

A disquiet noise
Edging me to do

Make, become, find
A purpose to pursue

Check my phone
For anything new

When doing becomes my undoing
I find you there

In the quiet
As I let go

I remember
You are God, and

You love for me
To rest

Be still and know I am God

These words silence

The drive
The tasks
The tempest
The guilt

They wilt
The blooms of busy

They empty
The Great Hall of Should, Must, and Will

In their wake
I see
Just Be
Remains

Just Be, Trust, and Know Me

I am free

I dream
I create
I imagine
I wander

Pitter and patter
Scribble and dabble
Flit and float

I am flying

Smiling

Time goes on
I have chosen
To be
To rest
Here
With you

Listening
As you sing
Over me

I love you
Be still
And know
Me

Here I am 

Still.

Till the next chapter,
Katya

My Little Wonders

My little wonders
How I wonder
How lovely you’ll be
When you grow

Tiny seeds
Tucked lovingly
In systematic
Rows

I anticipate
As I wait
You will come
In July

In my slumber
Dreams of green
Reaching to the
Sky

Though inside
With sunlight
You will surely come
Soon

Where are you
Little wonders?
I wonder
By the end of June

Are you hiding?
Are you coming?
You will have your
Very own pot

Did I water too much?
Maybe too little?
Impossible to have
Root rot

In my despair
I suddenly see
A contrast of color
In the brown

Could it be
My little wonders
Emerging from
The ground?

One, Two, Three
Say hello to me
The last
Whispers hi

Dill and Thyme
Next in line
Cilantro, though
Parsley is shy

Here they come
One by one
I am a mother
Of sprouts

Uncurling their leaves
Up on their feet
Roots
Long and stout

My little wonders
How wonderful you are
Soaking in the light
Of the day

I must say you look
Ravishing
You have come
Such a long way

July, you came alive
By October, you thrive
You’ve matured
Into a lively bunch

Now, my little wonders
I think it’s time
That I invite you
To lunch

Till the next chapter,
Katya

You and Me

Lord, where are you?

I am here.

Lord, I’m scared.

Have no fear.

Lord, show me.

You will see.

Lord, help me.

Ask and receive.

Lord, I need you.

I’m all you need.

Lord, my faith is as small as a mustard seed.

Beloved, just trust Me and believe.

Lord, I thank you for being with me.

Beloved, where else would I be?

Lord, I love you.

I love you more.

Till the next chapter,
Katya

Togetherness

I miss smiles
wide
crooked
pearly white
broken
missing teeth
shining bright
braces
big gap
little gap
smiles

I miss shaking hands
strong
limp
loose
firm
sweaty
hot
germ-y
cold
rough
smooth
hand shakes

I miss being close
invading my bubble
less than two feet
can hear me whisper
can hear you breathe
kind of close

I miss hugs
the bear
the polite
kissing cheeks
hello
good-bye
the lingering
the way too tight
squeezing with all your might
the side ones
the intimate
the London Bridge
the super quick
and all the other awkward
hugs

I miss classrooms
footsteps
small talk
chatter
pencils falling
ruffling papers
running to class
laughter
being together
in a classroom

I miss traveling
packing
leaving
flying
arriving
walking
seeing
trying
buying
meeting people while
traveling

I used to miss
discovering new places
together on bikes
reading books
to pass the time
game nights
staying in
connecting with
old friends
tea with grandma
time with mom
writing poetry
writing songs
reflecting on life
passing like mist
these are things
I no longer miss
while we fight for

togetherness.

What I miss now
Time will change
What I missed then
May it remain

Seek the beauty
And you will find
Even in these
Trying times

We will rise
We will sing
Above the chaos of
CoVid-19

Till the next chapter,
Katya

It’s Just Another Day

It’s just another day
I say to me
Then why does my heart
Flutter expectantly

I woke up the same
As I normally do
I am as I was
Nothing new

Hair still curly
Eyes still brown
Still a teacher of
Verbs and nouns

Full of dreams
Head in the clouds
On the piano, creating
Whimsical sounds

For most it’s just a day
Another one in the year
I said the same yesterday
Until it was here

Now I’m little excited
A little full of glee
I’m another year older
Happy birthday to me

October 12, 2020

Till the next chapter,
Katya

Post-Secondary

Procrastinate
Stay up late
When’s the last time I ate?

No time for friends
Social life ends
Where did I put my pen?

Sleep deprived
Barely alive
Ready for break at Week Five

Ten-page essay
In APA
Due by 11:59

Today.

Group projects
Unread texts
Professor, don’t call on me next.

Please.

Tuition, bills
Supplement pills
There’s no time to kill

Hours are hoarded
Seconds are sorted
Must this Zoom class be recorded?

All are afraid
As “The Midterm” invades
So, when will you post the grades?

One day.

Professors, enthused
Classmates, confused
And when’s the next project due?

Next week.

Post-Secondary
School of the weary
And the extraordinary

Knowledge abounds
Teaching astounds
Yet, we hear the sound of

Crying.

Waves of stress
Hair is a mess
Trying to remember I’m blessed

Somewhere in the midst
Of academic abyss
I hear: You got this.

As classes conclude
Time resumes
And I pray, I too

shall pass.

Till the next chapter,
Katya

Just a Little Step

Just a little step
Little one
Little two

Everywhere you’ve been
You’ve had me
I’ve had you

Into the unknown
A step here
A step there

I’ll be there till the end
You have me
I have you

Till the next chapter,
Katya

The World Can Wait

The world can wait
Until I’m awake
Have opened my eyes
Forgotten my dreams

The world can wait
While I open the shades
See the sky is grey
Sit and watch the rain

The world can wait
Until I’ve sipped my tea
A drink of some serenity
Before I seize the day

The world can wait
Until I meditate
Take a spiritual breath
And have prayed
For strength

The world can wait
While I tarry
Finding sweet silence
Something extraordinary

“The world can wait,”
I quietly say
As I slow my pace
To write this poem

Yet the world has stayed
Loud as ever
I discover
As I turn on my phone

Till the next chapter,
Katya

Just For A Moment

Just for a moment

In an inhale and exhale
There is nothing more
To see or perceive
Nor My-God-I-can’t-believe
Moments

Just for a moment

The world has stopped
Pushed pause
No chaos
Just us
Loved

Just for a moment

Air is clear
No more fear
We can cheer
As we all stand
Together

Just for a moment

Then I blink

Hard to think
To find us here
Seeking an end
Trying to begin
Again

Just for a moment 
We are all free

Till the next chapter,
Katya

If we seek, we will find.

We see the weeds, overgrown, tangled in a web of its own devising, and miss what is beyond. Through the thicket and over the dry patches, a land of promise is found. A piece of green goodness in the midst of it all.

A place of hope.

It’s only seen from a window-like opening in the brush, easily missed in the forest’s nest. Yet, it remains there is a world beyond what we see or know,

unveiled to the seekers,

known by the believers.

Perhaps if we seek, we will find.

Till the next chapter,
Katya